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Don't Need Your Love

Don’t need your love

James skipped the steps of the stairs, climbing two per time and busking on the sensation of his ragged breath and booming heart, sweat beads forming on his forehead for running all the way across the school.

He wanted to scream. He needed to scream.

He slammed his hands against the hard metal door and pushed it open, revealing the blue skyed scenario of the rooftop and rushed to the rail, releasing a guttural scream as soon as his hands reached it. He panted, sweaty bangs falling on his eyes as he tried to convince himself the water running through his cheeks was because of his small marathon.

"Feeling better?" a voice beside him spoke and his eyes opened in shock as he jumped in surprise, looking for the source of it.

The raven haired boy was sitting against the rail, his head tucked between his knees and arms around it.

"Ugh, yeah I guess. Sorry, didn't know there was someone else here" James answered, scratching his head in embarrassment for his scene.

"It's cool, man" the other said coldly, not really paying attention to the Carden’s presence there, apparently.

James fidgeted with his hands, looking left and right before setting his eyes back on the crouched boy, taking a hesitant step towards him.

"Sooo, you mind if I sit here for a while? Guess I could use some company right now" he asked, still a little embarrassed.

The boy didn't answer again, but didn't make any move to make the other go away, so he just settled himself by his side. Long awkward minutes passed by, none of them daring to say a single word. James sighed after a while, trying to think of something to break the silence or an escape route, but his plans went downhill when he thought he heard the other sobbing. He scoffed, a mischievous smile playing on his face.

“Hey, who broke your heart?” he nudged the other with his elbow, laughing a little at his own joke, thinking that maybe that could be a way to break the ice.

Wrong way, apparently. The boy raised his head a little and James could finally see his puffy eyes and red nose that were previously hidden, suggesting that he had been crying for awhile now and James blushed in shame as guilt crept up his body.

“Oh my gosh, you’re crying. I’m so so so so sorry, I didn’t know, I-”.

“My girlfriend, apparently” the other said in a small voice, interrupting the brunette’s ramble “Well, guess she’s my ex-girlfriend now” he smiled sadly.

James’s mouth opened and closed at least a dozen times while he tried to figure out what to say next, but all his brilliant brain could come up with in the end was:

“W-what happened?”.

The boy looked away, focusing some invisible point in front of them to avert the Carden’s eyes before answering.

“Guess I wasn’t good enough for her” his smile faltered as tears threatened to spill again, which he contained “At least that’s what she told me”.

James looked shaken by the other’s confession, looking so similar to his situation in that moment. The raven haired boy looked at him in the eyes for the first time then.

“She found another one”.

James’s mouth hanged open, not because of his words but because even with his face withered in tears and snot the boy still looked stunning and his voice was mellow and sweet. He wondered why someone would just dump him for another guy.

“Well, is her loss” he said confidently, a first since they started talking. The other looked at him confused “What’s your name, pumpkin?” he asked, boldly.

“J-Jesse Liu, from 2A” the boy answered, taken aback by the pet name.

“Well, Jesse Liu from 2A, would you like to scream with me?” he stood up, smiling all the way through the question.

“W-what?”.

James giggled.

“Someone once told me that screaming your frustrations out help in the process of healing and to be fair they weren’t completely wrong” he explained, extending his hand towards the other.

Jesse looked at it hesitantly before looking up at the smiling boy, something telling him that this boy could get anything just by flashing his charming and beautiful smile. So he grinned too and accepted the hand, getting on his feet before both of them turned on their heels and let out a piercing yell that would result in a week detention.

James sighed, rereading the same message over and over again. Almost three weeks later, when he thought he was finally moving on, his ex-girlfriend contacted him again saying she would be going to his house later that day to get the few things she forgot there. He grunted and pocketed his phone, scanning the corridors of the library in search of the subject he was looking for. His hands travelled through the colorful books on the shelves, his eyes flying through the titles and covers as he finally found the one his teacher asked for.

When he took it out of the stack, though, he saw a familiar face in the other side of the rack. James haven’t really talked to Jesse since that day and the following week of detention together for being caught in the roof and for disturbing the peace. They weren’t on bad terms, of course, they just weren’t part of the same circle of friends, so they barely met.

He wouldn’t let it slide, though.

“Oh, hey pumpkin!” he exclaimed, making the other look left and right in search for the voice of the only person that called him like that “Over here, dummy” James called, sticking his arm through the hole between the books and making the other almost faint in surprise.

“Dear Lord, James! You almost scared me to death!”

James giggled, making his way around the rack to meet the Liu on the other side.

“Sorry, wasn’t my intention to scare you” he apologized, smiling sweetly “Whatcha’ doing here?” he asked, pointing to the book in the other’s hand with his head.

Jesse turned the cover to the brunette, a big “Microbiology” in red written at the top. He moved his head, asking a “you?” to James who just showed him his Calculus book.

“Are you good at Math?” James asked, sighing as he dropped his arm to his side again. Jesse nodded, smiling “Perhaps we could help each other” the Carden wondered, smirking “Wanna’ grab lunch together?”.

“Sure” Jesse answered, following the younger to check out their books.

The pair ended up in the cantina, two trays full of lasagna and apple juice in front of them as they ate and talked. James snorted when he saw two girls wandering around with pink dresses and angel wings. It was Rachel and Ariel, the two committee girls responsible for booking the tickets for the Valentine's Ball.

Jesse looked up at him.

"Love is overrated" he muttered to them both. Jesse looked at him confused "You know, we hear about love ever since we're in diapers, with our parents, in books, in movies. Everything is about finding true love and being happy ever after. Why do I need to find love to be happy?" he wondered, contorting his face "I say that we don't, we don't need love to be happy" he finished, palming his hand on the table and making their glasses shake a little.

Jesse gulped down his lasagna and started quietly.

"Uh, I agree, but what about it?".

James looked around as if searching for something. He saw couples everywhere, it almost looked like the universe was laughing at him and shoving to his face that he didn't have anyone anymore, but again he didn't need this. Where were the single pringles when he needed them?

It was like a lightbulb flicked on in James' head when he snapped his fingers and looked back at Jesse.

"What if we created a club for people who don't believe that love is everything? Like us?" he asked enthusiastically, his big sparkly eyes looking expectantly at Jesse.

"You mean like a club for single souls?" the Liu asked, finishing his lunch. James nodded energetically "Jamie, creating a club isn't that easy, there's a lot of paperwork and steps you have to do right to make it happen" Jesse pointed, deadpanned.

James just shook his shoulders like none of it was a big deal, staring right at the raven haired's pupils.

"Don't worry, I got this".

"Wow, you really made this happen" was the first thing Jesse said when he entered the hall behind James, the brunette smiling wildly in front of him.

"Isn't this amazing?" he clapped for himself for his good job, going to the front of the room to talk to everyone.

"It is, but how did I end up here?" Raphael Wang, a petite Chinese transferred student Jesse took Chemistry with said, sprawled across one of the chairs of the amphitheater.

"Yeah, you just called me and Justin here without saying anything" it was Cherry this time, another Chinese student he knew because she was best friends with Justin, Jesse's dance partner, who was also there as confused as the others.

James clapped his hands once to call everyone's attention (like if it wasn't on him already) before proudly explaining.

"I welcome you all to DNYL club, a.k.a Don't Need Your Love. If you've ever been heartbroken, cheated on, had a one sided love or just really never found your 'ideal type', that's the place for you. Here at DNYL we believe that love isn't everything and we have the right to be happy without someone by our side" he recited, as he had repeated that sentence over and over beforehand.

Everyone looked at him with blank faces until Raphael broke the silence.

"Thank you for exposing our pitiful love lives, that still doesn't explain why we're here" he said, unamused.

James sighed.

"We kinda… needed at least five people to make the club happen" he explained, embarrassed.

Raphael just stood up and took his backpack, turning around to go out.

"Wait, Raphs!" James darted after him, but the older didn't turned around.

"I quit, put Simon in my place" he said, going straight to the door.

"I can't, you know he and Mark are, like, a thing and I already begged him to use this room" James rushed, standing in front of the smaller boy "Look, it's not about just filling the room. I want to do this with you, you're my best friend, Raphs. Please, it's going to be fun" he said in a small voice this time.

Raphael crossed his arms in front of him and looked at James with tired eyes, turning to look at the other two searching for their own reactions.

"I don't really care" said Justin, shy as always.

"It could be fun" completed Cherry, hugging her best friend from behind.

The Wang sighed, looking straight at James' expectant eyes.

"One month, just until more people join in and then I'm out" he proposed, unfazed.

James giggled and jumped into his friend's arms, hugging him tight while he nagged (secretly smiling) before releasing him.

"Let's get this club on top!"

Not so surprisingly, it was easier said than done. Even after two weeks, the club haven’t got not even a single new member. Even after handing a hundred flyers Raphael spent a whole afternoon (complaining) doing. Even after marching down the halls with flags and banners after asking with puppy eyes to Mark (aka the council prez) to do so.

"I don't understand" James complained, flopping onto Jesse's bed while they took a break from their study session, something they had been doing often since the library encounter "We should have at least one more member by now" he said "Have you talked to your friends?" he asked the other.

Jesse nodded.

"Dustin has music and drama clubs already, Casey and Henry hit it off like two days after we started the club, Lucas… to be honest I don't know in what world Lucas is half of the time and you know about Mark" he listed, counting on his fingers "So like, yeah, no one".

James grumbled, turning around to bury his face in the Liu's pillow. He took a deep breath, it smelled like strawberry shampoo, cheap lavender comforter and Jesse (a smell he couldn't describe exactly what it was yet but it was soothing and addictive just like the raven haired's personality).

He raised his head a little to look at the boy in question, the sun hitting his small moonlike eyes while he was concentrated in a Math question from their homework. He was truly beautiful, James could tell this easily with any kind of intention.

His eyes darted to two pink pieces of paper on his table, reaching to pick one up and look at it.

"You're going to Heartbonds Ball?" he asked, seeing what it was about.

Jesse looked at him, seeing the brunette fidgeting with the ticket in his hands.

"Oh, I was, before…" he didn't finish his sentence, but James could understand anyway "Forgot to ask my friends if anyone wanted them" he finished, going back to the exercise.

James continued looking to the ticket for what felt like minutes before an idea popped into his mind and he jolted forward, sitting straight on the bed and scaring Jesse in the process, who looked at him with wild eyes.

"I think I have an idea" he announced, smiling beautifully at the raven haired.

"We're making an intervention at the Heartbonds Ball" James announced to the other members in the next day when they reunited.

Everyone looked at him with confused and shocked faces.

"You mean like, shutting down the Valentine's Ball?" Cherry asked, wide eyed and taken aback by her own interpretation "You know Simon would kill us, right? He worked his ass off to plan this" she said, linking her arm with Justin's as if waiting for someone to scream at her, fearing it would be both James and Simon.

"No, no, nothing so extreme" James guaranteed them "Just a small something like a corner just for us. You know there's always people who wants to go to the party but doesn't have a date and end up going alone. I thought of having like a DNYL table to show everyone is no shame in going alone and having fun by yourself. Why do we need to have a date to the prom? We don't, who made this rule?" he explained proudly, looking for the others’ reactions.

Jesse, Cherry and Justin didn't show a lot of feedback, not pro nor against the idea. Raphael, however, didn't looked so pleased.

"I can't, I'm not doing it" he said, taking everyone aback, especially James, even more when he took his backpack and stood up.

"What? Why?" he asked, wide eyed "Raphs, if this is about the one month thing, I get it, but the ball is this weekend and it hasn't been a month yet" he tried reasoning with him, but Raphael shut him up.

"No, I can't because I have a date to the ball" he confessed, making everyone surprised.

"You what?".

"Someone invited me to go to the ball with him and I said yes, simple" he said like he was explaining it to a child.

James didn't look so happy with it.

"You betrayed us?" he questioned, brows raised.

Raphael was expressionless.

"Are you even listening to yourself?" he exclaimed, taking everyone aback "You are so selfish, James Carden. All you care about is your stupid club. You've never asked me if I wanted to do this. You've never asked any of us! 'Best friend' my ass. You just needed another lab rat and I agreed with this because I thought you would come to your senses and stop with this bullshit but apparently not" the smaller exploded, open mouths everywhere "I'm out and don't you dare come after me this time".

And like a storm he disappeared, leaving everyone hanging and speechless inside the room.

After a moment of complete and utter silence, James snapped.

"It's okay, we're okay. Who needs him? We don't. We're gonna find another member at the ball and everything's gonna be okay again, right?" he said, more to himself like a psychopath and for a minute even the others got scared.

"J-James?" Cherry called him but sounded more like a meowling of a dying cat.

When James didn't stop talking to himself and pacing back and forth, Jesse took the lead.

"I think we should suspend today's meeting" he suggested, which the younger two agreed, taking their stuff.

Jesse walked slowly behind James, who still hadn't got out of his trance. He tapped his shoulder, making the other jump and look around seeing that only the two of them were left in the theater.

He looked at Jesse expectantly.

"Come, I will walk you home" the Liu said, taking his hand to guide him out, not noticing James' faint blush with the act.

They took the already known path in silence. In a normal day, it wouldn’t have felt so weird, but something about the lack of words between them in that specific moment felt almost unbearable. James looked at Jesse many times, their hands still connected, in the hope that he would say something and that his voice would fill their little bubble in a comforting way. But it wasn’t until they were almost at James’ house that the slightly older one spoke.

“You know, Raphael is kinda right” he said, not daring to look at James, who sighed before speaking too.

“So you agree with him that I’m a selfish ugly potato?” the sarcasm in his tone was obvious.

Jesse laughed, though.

“You’re not an ugly potato, Jamie” he said, the nickname rolling out of his tongue like sugar and James could swore he felt his heart skip a beat “But maybe you weren’t that democratic either” he continued, more serious this time “I know this is important to you and I know that you put so much effort into this and you want people to recognize it. But you also have to understand that not everyone is on the same page as you, like Raphael, and that’s not their fault” he explained, James’ eyes cast down watching his own feet while listening to him, somewhat ashamed now that he stopped to think about his own actions early.

“You think I should slow down?” he asked, still not looking at Jesse in the eyes “Stopping to think of it I guess I wasn’t really nice with Raphs, right?”.

At that point, they were already in front of James’ door.

Jesse took a deep breath and looked at him, making James lock his gaze on the other as well this time.

“I really appreciate what you’re trying to do, Jamie, you have good intentions” he tugged on his hand, pulling him into a surprising hug that got James frozen, especially when Jesse said in his ear “I just wish you could realize the things that are right under your nose”.

James felt a small kiss on the curve of his ear, soft lips making him stuck in place while the other untangled himself from him.

And like this Jesse was gone.

There were couples everywhere filling the room. Well, that was expected since it was the Valentine’s Ball. And although he had his resolutions against it, James was feeling awkwardly lonely in their corner of the event.

Simon, even though very much against it, let them put a small table with a sign at the entrance of the place, where everyone could easily spot them as soon as they arrived. But, for James’ dismay, no one had approached them yet, even though an hour had passed since the start of the party.

Well, that wasn’t going like he planned. Sigh.

He watched as Mark and Simon kissed in a corner, slowly going right and left with the music, Casey and Henry standing next to the dessert table feeding each other with the many colorful delicacies the school prepared, Ariel and Rachel dancing together with their frilly pink dresses and smiling because of the fruits of their work. Everyone was enjoying themselves.

Except for him.

He looked at his sides. Jesse was calmly doodling at the sides of one of the sheets that were supposed to contain the signatures of the new members, Cherry laying her head on Justin’s shoulder, both smiling softly and laughing from time to time with a little game on the taller’s phone. Guess he wasn’t the only one that wasn’t having the best of nights.

He got up, sighing to himself before speaking.

“I’m gonna get some punch”.

He made his way to the table where the food was, greeting Casey and Henry in the process while getting a cup.

“You shouldn’t drink this, you know?” a voice said beside him while he was pouring the purple liquid into his cup. James turned around to look at Harvey, a student from England who was supposedly in charge of the music today, and shot him a confused look “I mean, I’m not exactly okay with underage drinking but if you wanna go for it, I won’t tell anyone” he laughed.

Of course someone had already spiked the drink, he was not even surprised. James turned the liquid in his cup back at the bowl, continuing his conversation with Harvey like he hadn’t anything better to do. He didn’t anyway.

“You’re here by yourself?”.

Harvey looked at him questioningly.

“He didn’t tell you?”.

Now it was James’s turn of furrowing his eyebrows.

“Who?”.

“Raphael. I came with him”.

James’s surprised expression must have been hilarious because the blonde added quickly.

“I could swear he had told you. I thought you were best friends?”.

“I didn’t have the chance” a third voice joined them, this time from Raphael himself, who linked arms with the other transferred student as soon as he arrived.

“Raphs…”

“Can you give us a minute, Hav?” the smaller of the trio asked.

“Sure” he smiled at both of them before going back to the sound table.

The silence that followed was awkward at its best.

“I didn’t even realize you liked him” James muttered to himself.

Raphael rolled his eyes.

“Of course you didn’t, you were too focused on your damn club”.

James took a deep breath, defeated.

“I’m sorry, Raphs. You were right, I was so selfish, I didn’t think of you guys at all. And now I ruined everyone’s night” he sighed for himself, blaming his stupidity.

Raphael nodded in agreement.

“So you agree that you were a selfish ugly potato?”.

James’ head shot up almost immediately, but for his surprise, Raphael was smiling.

“I talked with Jesse, he told me you were self-deprecating again” he laughed “What am I going to do with you, James Carden?” he sighed, soon going for a hug with his best friend “You are such a dummy”.

“I am” he returned the act, smiling widely.

However, Raphael pushed him away as quickly as he had pulled him in, smiling again.

“Well, I’m going to dance with my date right now and you” he pointed at the taller “Should get your man as well”.

And then he was gone, leaving the boy most aghast than ever. What was him talking about?

James shook his head to sweep these thoughts away, making his way back to their table in order to free his friends from their torture. Something on the way caught his eye, thought, and he turned around to watch Cherry and Justin dancing together not far from him, high pitched laugh and shy smiles. At some moment, the Chinese girl tripped on her own feet when making a turn, landing on Justin’s chest, still laughing. She didn’t think much before standing on her toes and leaving a quick peck on the taller one’s lips, caughting him off guard. Justin blushed madly at this and hid his face in Cherry’s neck, but both of them were smiling.

Well, James definitely had a lot of surprises today. He smiled, guess it was his fault for not noticing things that were right under his nose.

Wait.

I just wish you could realize the things that are right under your nose.

Jesse’s voice echoed in his head. Raphael, Cherry and Justin, was he talking about them?

And you should get your man as well.

Oh my God.

He was such a dumb fuck.

His eyes searched the crowd around him, looking for Jesse, but he was not in their stall anymore. He started to panic, cold sweating as he was ready to run through the pack of people until he found him.

And then a hand was placed on his shoulder and a low voice spoke behind him.

“Jamie, I told Cherry and Justin to…”

James didn’t let him finish, he turned around as quickly as a gunshot and pulled forward, attaching his lips to Jesse’s. The kiss was quick, only a smash of mouths that seemed to last only a second, but it made his point. He stepped back, smiling with the small sound that left from their mouths as they separated and looked lovingly at Jesse’s face.

“What was that?” the raven haired asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

James laughed, his arms snaking around Jesse’s torso.

“A boy I know advised me to look at the things that were right under my nose” he said “So I did”.

It was Jesse’s turn to laugh this time, as he put his arms on James’ shoulders and said in a flirty tone.

“He must be a smart guy”.

“He is” James agreed, continuing the act “He’s also super sweet and incredibly beautiful. He sucks at Biology, I admit, but he’s a genius in Math. And he has the most beautiful heart I’ve ever seen” he said, his lovely smile never leaving his lips “And I should had realized that I was falling for him sooner” he finished.

Jesse was blushing faintly at this point but didn’t let it stop him.

“I thought you didn’t need love” he said, jokingly.

“I don’t” James replied, nonchalantly “But I guess is nice to have yours”.

Their eyes closed slowly as they dove in again for another kiss, this time more passionate and fierier. Their tongues met and soon they were lost in each other’s scent and taste. And, God, to James no one could ever compare to Jesse’s taste, and vice-versa.

When they broke for air, Jesse laughed against his lips.

“So what about the club?” he asked, curious.

James shrugged.

“Guess we don’t need that”.

Small bonus:

“Hey, guys!” a loud voice echoed near them, making both boys, who were tangled in each other slow dancing in the ballroom, turn around to see the lanky tall black student approaching them.

“Hi, Lucas” they greeted him, who looked at their intertwined hands and smiled instantly.

“OH MY GOD, I waited for this day, I’m so happy for you two!” he exclaimed, pulling both of them into a bear hug, making them laugh after almost getting crushed by the giant third year “Ah, I wanted to introduce you to my date” he said, giving space for a small girl who was behind him to come forward.

She was none other than Ellen Larsson.

“Hi you two. It’s been a while” she said, her smile faltering as she stared at their unamused expressions “Wow, I can’t even believe you’re together, how cool is that right?” she asked, cold sweating at this point.

“Not thanks to you” both of them said in unison, surprising even each other up.

She laughed it off awkwardly.

“Haha anyways, enjoy the party. Lucas, dear, why don’t we go get some punch?”

And so the both of them were gone, Lucas waving at the new formed couple while being pulled by the arm by the blonde girl.

“She must have a lot of guts to show up like this” James said, turning to his boyfriend when he agreed.

“No kidding”.

James raised an eyebrow at this.

“You know her well?”.

Jesse snorted.

“Very well, indeed. She's my ex.” he revealed.

James almost choked.

“Wait she’s your ex?” he repeated, at which Jesse nodded “She’s my ex!”.

Their faces were almost comical at the lack of expression when both realized the same thing.

“Wait a minute, so it was you she was cheating me with?” Jesse asked, discredited “And then she broke up with you? What a bitch” he laughed bitterly.

“Woah, I can’t believe this” the brunette snorted, carding his hands through his hair in disbelief “Well,” he said after some time awed by the sudden realization “As I said when we first met, it was her loss” he winked at the raven haired, who laughed with him and pulled the other back in their embrace.

“Couldn’t agree more” he smiled, going in for a kiss again.

“Wait, should we warn Lucas?” James asked when they parted lips after their nth kiss that night.

Jesse shrugged.

“Tomorrow”.

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